Chris Treftlin – Shine at Home
In a recent article for the Club, I wrote about Stan. How Stan had lived a good life full of family, friends, a career, and faith. It was titled The Power of Purpose – or How Stan got his groove back. I want to thank everyone that commented so positively regarding the piece. Which leads me to the topic of this addition of A Path to Wellness. That being Grief. You see, I refer to the earlier article because that is what Stan was dealing with.
Grief is defined as the anguish experienced by a person dealing with a significant loss, usually of a loved one. This grief causes anxiety, physiological distress, confusion, obsessive dwelling on the past. In Stan’s case it caused him to withdraw from life.
Bad News & The Good News
Well, the bad news is that you will experience grief. It touches us all, and no one can escape. Most, if not all of you reading this have experienced grief. Some reports state that at least 60% of us have experienced some form of major loss in the past 3 years. These are the key relationships of family and friends. Pets, sometimes the closest to seniors as their daily companions, account for 20% of us going through grief. I know that when it is time for my beloved dog to pass, well it will be very, very hard.
How about the good news. By understanding the process and acknowledging the steps that you must take to get to the other side you can better navigate the feelings you are experiencing. There are 7 stages of grief. Starting with shock. How could they be gone? Then denial, they are not gone. Third is anger. How could they leave me? Next is the bargaining stage. Here you ask yourself questions like if I had only done this, or that, or if I had only. Then we can get into a depression. This is what happened to Stan. Now we start to see the light as we enter the testing phase. During Testing we are trying new things to fill the void created by the loss. New experiences that are allowing us to process the loss and deal with the emotions we are experiencing. Then we come to acceptance.
These stages are not necessarily linear. That is, they can overlap, and we can come in and out of each stage. The key here is time. It will take time, and rushing this process will only cause you difficulty in the future. The worst thing we can do is repress our emotions and feelings. As the word suggests, by repressing you are not dealing with anything. While this is tempting since the feelings can be so difficult, it will do more harm in the long term.
Go through the emotions and give it the time it needs, but not one minute more. By spending too much time in grief you increase the chances of getting stuck, like Stan did.
More good news
There are resources, and good ones too. The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) has a great website, local chapters, and caring people that will assist you. Here is the website:
Be Like Stan
Stan Got his groove back by remembering and trying to be the person he was to Stella, his wife when she was alive. So, if grief is caused by the loss of those close to you, then the solution is also found in the people close to you. The relationship lost will never be replaced. And I am not suggesting that a spouse, sibling, good friend, or mentor can be replaced. What happens is you develop relationships that will allow you to honour the person you lost, while living your best life. After all, isn’t that what they would have wanted.
